Coming to the decision that you want a divorce is hard but having to tell your spouse is even harder. I don't want to say that this post will make it any easier but I am hoping that after reading it you will be more prepared and know what to expect; this may help throughout the actual divorce. An article in total divorce gives some suggestions to work towards a "healthy divorce". First they suggest to "acknowledge your contributions" by this they mean don't place all the blame on your spouse. Second, "listen" make sure you communicate your feelings clearly and listen to your spouse's reaction. Third, "consider your spouse's feelings", divorce can bring up an array of emotions, so acknowledge your spouse's reaction. Fourth, "think like a business person", eliminate as much negative energy as possible. Fifth, "do your homework" understand that after the divorce you will be starting a new life. (Image Source)If you feel as though those tips were not enough and you want some more suggestions before making the big step of telling your spouse, Divorce Aid also has tips to help you tell you spouse. Divorce aid states, "You may think that you both believe that the marriage is over. Be careful. This could still come as a complete shock to your partner and the way you communicate this decision will pave the way for future discussion during the separation or divorce process". These tips include, "choosing a time carefully", they suggest to pick a time when you will not be disturbed. If you have children make sure they are with a close relative or friend. Next, try to speak slowly and calmly. They state that shock may set in, therefore you will probably need to quietly repeat your decision to your partner several times. If you have children they suggest to try to agree on immediate concerns about the family's welfare and most importantly agree about telling the children together.
My suggestion would be to make sure you are clear on your decision before you decide to bring divorce up to your partner, and if your not sure don't tell your spouse you want a divorce but let them know how you've been feeling, you may be able to prevent a divorce. However, if you are one hundred percent positive that you want a divorce, just remember to consider your spouse's feelings when you tell him or her. (Image Source) For more information on how to tell your spouse you can visit, divorce resource and family law software. GOOD LUCK !!!
This may be one of the hardest times ever. I always told myself I wouldn't be one of "those" families. I thought I always had the ideal family. Telling one spouse you want a divorce has to be one of the scariest times. Not only are you breaking the news to your spouse, but also your children if you have some. Looking up ways to approach this may be a good idea and you provided very good tips! I hope things get easier, but very good article!
ReplyDeleteYou off excellent advice in this post. It's interesting how many people have told me post divorce that they wished they would have worked harder at their marriage. I have many clients who come to see me about divorce, but are very unsure as to the pat they want to take. I always refer them to marriage counseling, it's interesting the number of people who hadn't thought of it previously.
ReplyDeleteDeborah Moskovitch
Divorce Consultant and Author
The Smart Divorce
I remember when I told my wife I wanted a divorce, I felt like I had a bowling ball in my throat I was so nervous. I had spoken with my New Jersey divorce attorney before I said anything to her and he told me it was never easy. I can't tell you how right he was.
ReplyDeleteA very good one it is.. thank Nilsa for sharing this.. :)
ReplyDeletedivorce is so cruel to the partner that is unsuspecting, that all reasons should be spelled out to see if change or reconciliation is possible. What about God in the equation? Is this just about a whim, or temporary feelings that will go away after a few months, and what about the other person, is he suppose to feel happy about your decision? Just cool it and stop freaking out and thinking that divorce is the best answer, for a stronger marriage of love is the best, not the ugliness of a throwing away of love and communication between two. These 30 day divorces usally don't give the other a chance to emotionally revive love or seek help, and just destroys what marriage is suppose to be, a joining of one from two. I just wish we talked about what was bugging the other first to see if there was a easy fix, after all, we had fixed things well in the past, it just doesn't seem fair that one can make a decision for the other and that's it. geeese. come on now, where is the Love?
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