Preventing Divorce...Is this Possible?

If you're looking at your marriage and all you see is divorce, is it possible that you can do something to help prevent that divorce? Of course, anything is possible. Will this work for everyone, I don't know, but I do know that at the very least you can say you tried to make your marriage work. An article in Divorce Magazine discusses 10 tips for preventing divorce. These tips include things like, make time for your spouse, to talk, show affection and keep up on each others goals. Compliment your spouse regularly and not just in private but in public as well. Do things for your spouse that you know he or she will appreciate. Take care of your appearance, and your health. Remain faithful, adultery equals divorce. Do things together but also spend time apart so you can miss each other. Don't just look at your spouse as your wife or husband but consider them your friend, it states friendship is the key to a happy marriage. The article also suggests to spell out the basics of your relationship in a yearly contract and Lastly, say I Love You everyday!!! (Image Source)

Although these are wonderful tips I had to make sure different people felt almost the same way (because no one person and no couple is the same). Ezine Articles also has a 10 ways to prevent divorce article and there advice and prevention tips are not the same as those in Divorce Magazine. This article suggests, to first accept that you and your spouse are not the same person. Take the time out to get to know each other again, many times couples will lose each other in the "busyness" of life. Then take the time to look at yourself, they pose the question "would you marry you?" don't just blame your partner for everything. When you argue take that argument and strip it down to its core, because maybe you can find a way to avoid that argument next time. Sit down with your spouse and come up with new and exciting things to do to spice up your relationship. Create a "couple" tradition, kind of like a family tradition but just for the two of you, this may serve as an anchor when times are getting rough. Try and find ways to rekindle your romance. Communicate, if you want your spouse to know what you're feeling you have to talk. Concentrate on the things you know you can fix and don't try to fix the things you know you can't. Lastly, if you feel you have to seek professional help do it with a positive attitude.

Hopefully these tips can help you try and save your marriage, take a look at the tips that stand out to you and try them. The reason I gave two examples is to show that no couple is the same and what might work for some may not work for others; you can even try and combine a lot of these tips. If you are not married yet, but your are interested in learning how to make your future marriage last, you can also look up information on Premarital Education . As I stated before, if you see that your marriage is headed towards divorce don't give up, preventing it is possible as long as you try...

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Did You Know? Video...

Did you know? is a short (4:55) video by by Karl Fisch, Scott McLeod, and Jeff Bronman, remixed that is very interesting. I believe did you know? is about the advancements of information technology. This video includes various statistics pertaining to how life is today and how technologically advanced life will be in the future. Information technology (IT), for those of you who don't know is the use of computers and software to manage information. I have been asked, do you think the video is xenophobic? Xenophobia is an unreasonable fear or hatred of foreigners or strangers or of that which is foreign or strange. Initially, when I saw this video I said to myself, no, this video is not xenophobic. However, after taking some time, watching the video again and thinking about it, this is what I believe this video is.

Did you know?, presents the idea that advancements in technology are far surpassing the human mind. With statements shown in the video like "we are currently using technologies that haven't been invented, in order to solve problems we don't even know are problems yet" and "by 2013 a super computer will be built that exceeds the computational capabilities of the human brain", suggests to me a fear of technological advancements, advancements that do not exist yet making them foreign (unfamiliar). This video is essentially saying did you know that technology will be the world as we know it, in ways that you can't even imagine. Technology is going to be so advanced that "by 2049 a $1000 computer will exceed the computational capabilities of the entire human species", what does this mean for the human species? Not only do I believe this video is xenophobic, I believe it can instill xenophobia in people toward technology, its advancements and the future.

After watching this video, it made me think of certain articles I have read in class. In Anderson's 2004 "The long tail" he discusses how the universe has shifted going from a one to many model of distribution to a many to many distribution. How with this universal shift all things became possible. Is this video suggesting another universal shift? What form of distribution will we have in 2049 when computers are far surpassing humans? In Hargitai's 2000 article, "Radios lessons for the Internet" he discusses how government regulations are inevitable for the Internet, that because of the issues facing the radio and how the government essentially needed to regulate the radio that they will not make the same mistake with the Internet. So how far will the Internet grow with all these technological advancements? Will the government regulations eventually become a problem and butt heads with the many to many model of distribution. Looking at Dimaggio,et al. 2001 article "Social Implications of the Internet", and how it discusses massification and the Internets impact on culture made me think, how will everything discussed in this video impact culture. How will things like a super computer affect us directly?

Fortunately, this video did not make me feel xenophobic about the future. However, it did make me think a lot about what the future holds for the world. It made me wonder how quickly will we advance technologically, and if all this technology will be better or worse for the future. If in "2008 1 in every 8 couples married met online", then imagine how many married couples will have met online by 2020. If this video is even a little bit true it means that the world will be changing extremely fast right before my eyes and I have a crazy future to look forward to. I recommend that everyone who reads this post watch the video, it is very interesting and if you have your own opinions on it feel free to leave a comment.

The Different Types of Divorce

Divorce, Divorce, Divorce!!! Thats all we usually hear of, but are there different types of divorce? Yes, legally there are different types of divorce. According to the resource for family law "Different states have different rules about the types of divorces that they grant, and usually these different categories have specific regulations and factors that judges and courts consider before they officially move to dissolve a marriage". The different types of divorce include, Absolute Divorce which ends all legal bonds between two people in regards to being a couple. However, as stated before the grounds for an absolute divorce are different from state to state. There is also a Limited Divorce which is almost the same as legal separation. A limited divorce gives partners time to settle things like alimony, child support, child custody and division of property before the separation is finalized. Uncontested Divorce which "is when both parties in an ending relationship reach a mutual accord about the disposition of property, finances, children, and other often contentious issues". Lastly, there is a No Fault Divorce which occurs when no one is at fault for the failure of the marriage, in this case couples will file for divorce stating "irreconcilable differences". Depending on what state you live in there may actually many other types of divorce.

Of course if all you haven't heard is divorce, divorce, divorce you probably have heard of an annulment. In case you were wondering an annulment like a divorce dissolves a marriage however, an annulment indicates a marriage never happened. Many times in order to get re married in the roman catholic church a divorce is not sufficient, you must have an annulment. Grounds for an annulment can differ but include, fraud or misrepresentation (i.e your spouse is already married). Concealment which would mean that your spouse concealed a drug addiction or a sexually transmitted disease. If your spouse will not or cannot have sexual intercourse with you. Lastly, a misunderstanding, I would imagine in order for the church to grant you an annulment it would have to be a great misunderstanding like a different desire to have children.

A divorce isn't just always about the legal proceedings, many times divorce affects the individuals. This can be called an emotional divorce. An emotional divorce is the emotional separation and the feelings associated with it. The hardest part of a divorce can be letting go of the feelings you have for your partner, some people go through this emotional divorce for years after the legal divorce. To get through an emotional divorce can take more work when there are children involved. "The on-going relationships between your children and both of their parents also complicate the resolution of emotional issues."

People can forget that a divorce is much more complicated than the word. So if you plan on getting a divorce try and deal with your emotions so you don't spend years dealing with the emotions you should have let go of before the divorce. Look into the different types of divorce granted in your state and try to make it as easy as a divorce can get on you and your children. Also if you know someone going through a divorce be supportive, remember its a process not just a legeal one but an emotional one as well.

Top Image from Flickr

Bottom Image from Flickr

Finding Mr. Right...

No offense guys but this ones for the ladies. With the divorce rate staying so high and technology at the center of communication is it really hard to find Mr. Right? Or are many woman letting him pass them by. Many women wonder where is the perfect man for me and on a website called Fluther a woman recently posted the question, "Why can't I find the right guy?" In her question she discusses how at 23 years of age she has never had a boyfriend, so she wonders if shes setting her standards too high. In a recent blog on divorce360 a Ms. Lori Woodall tells her story of going through her second divorce. After two years of marriage things changed and she later found out he was having an affair. So is finding Mr. Right possible, there may be an answer to this question.

In an interview on CBS Dr. Phil says theres good news. In the interview Dr. Phil states that not only does he "believe that there is someone out there for everybody he says he can help you find Mr. Right". It is all discussed in a book he wrote titled "Love Smart: Find The One You Want ... Fix The One You Got." The main points in helping you find Mr. Right include, first, starting with a plan. He says if you want a relationship you have to "go at it with a plan". Secondly, make the first part of your plan to "love yourself". Don't try to be someone else to impress any man, love yourself for who you are. He says, "If you wouldn't date you, nobody else would date you". Third, determine your personal truth. Don't necessarily set standards just decide what you deserve and then "generate results that are consistent with that". Fourth, get to the point early. Ask all the questions you want to know. Lastly, create a personal sound byte. By this he means, "be able to say who you are in 20 seconds or less".

Personally, I don't know if I believe that theres someone out there for everyone, but I do believe you will never know if Mr. Right is out there if you don't get out there and look. I agree with Dr. Phil's steps especially when he says to decide what you deserve and don't settle for less. I do believe in true love because I believe I've found true love so anything is possible and with that, I say with time you can and will find Mr. Right, yea its hard for some and easier for others but all great things come with time so don't give up...

Top Image from Flickr

Bottom Image is me and my fiance

Reasons People Divorce...

With the latest statistics claiming that roughly 60% of marriages end in divorce, is it possible that people are thinking of divorce before they even say "I DO"? How common are the reasons for which people divorce, despite the fact that every couple's relationship is different. These were some of the questions I asked myself and these are some of the answers I found. Although every couple's relationship is different, as human beings we face many of the same problems in life that eventually affects our marriages. In a family law blog I came across, their five main reasons people divorce included, communication problems, financial issues, forms of abuse, marital infidelity and sexual problems which were listed in this order. After looking around I've come to notice that its not as simple as to narrow it down to five main reasons. People divorce for numerous reasons and I believe that couple's should be aware of those reasons.

Everywhere I looked lack of communication is a reason people divorce, your partner is not psychic and if you keep your feelings of resentment to yourself you will eventually distance yourself from your partner. Abuse, any form of abuse is justification for a divorce, I cannot stress it enough but abuse should never be tolerated in any relationship and it occurs more often than we know and is grounds for divorce. I feel that with infidelity comes lack of commitment, marriages according to the Merriam Webster dictionary is "the state of being united to a person in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law". The heart of a marriage is being committed to that person, if that is the belief of both persons in the marriage and one finds evidence of infidelity that is clearly obtained, one may get a divorce. Many other reasons for divorce include, sexual incompatibility, an essential part of marriage is sex and procreation and if there is no consummating happening one can want a divorce, and as I stated before financial problems which may also include differences in career goals. Lastly, the inability to manage or resolve conflict, sometimes people cannot handle there differences and so they ill divorce and many times you will hear that they filed for divorce stating "irreconcilable differences".

Top Image from Flickr
Bottom Image from Flickr

The Effects of Divorce on Children...

When a couple decides on divorce the biggest question they will ask themselves is how will this effect my child/children? During a divorce whether parents want to believe it or not their children are affected, how they are affected may differ based on their age and gender, but none the less they are affected. Divorce for any child is a dreadful experience and according to divorce information over 1million children suffer from the divorce of their parents each year. It is also discussed in the article that a child begins to have great fears when their parents start going through a divorce and those fears include, change, abandonment, and hostility between parents. Although my parents are not divorced, from my experience (after taking care of my nephews while my brother and sister-in-law at the time were going through a divorce) younger children because they don't understand whats going on tend to get more quiet, and subconsciously blame themselves. Younger children will not express how they are feeling in words but in their actions and many times it is up to the parent to reassure thier children that they are not to blame and that they love them. With my older nephew what I saw was a more inquisitive attitude, he questioned everything with, why? No answer was good enough because essentially what he wanted was everything to go back to how it "used to be".

A recent Hawaiin Blog discusses how depending on the child's age, emotional maturity, and happiness will result in how easy or difficult it will be for the child to get through the divorce. This blog also gives you four steps to help everything go smoothly, which include, reassuring the child of your love, letting your child grieve, and coming up with a good child custody schedule. Personally, I think watching you parents go through a divorce at any age has to be hard and children look to their parents for reassurance that everything is going to be ok, and without that a child can feel hurt. Children undergo great change during a divorce, changes include everything from changing homes, changing schools, to changing their responsibilities, many times parents after a divorce will put burdens on their child that include helping them financially and around the house. Parents need to remember that even though it may seem like its not affecting their child, it is. For more statistics on the effects of divorce on children you can visit, "The effects of Divorce on America.com". To show affection and love to your children is a necessity during a divorce and sometimes because of their own stress and pain of the divorce parents tend to forget that...

Top Image from flickr

Bottom Image from flickr

Is the Recession a Plus for Divorce?

This may come as a shock, but the financial troubles caused by the economy is actually keeping couples who would otherwise get divorced, together. With this recession I have come to learn that couples who want to divorce stay together because its cheaper. A recent Wall Street Journal blog, discusses how for many, the thought of splitting wealth into two homes, two cars and two lives is simply too expensive. In some cases couples that have divorced continue to live in the same house because they cannot sell it. Years ago people got divorced to get a fresh start and find peace, nowadays more and more couples are pressed to fix a marriage rather than end it.

"When times get tough, the tough stay married". After wondering what will happen as the recession continues to linger I came across a blog titled Divorce and the Recession, that stated "One logical outcome would be an increased reliance on mediation and collaborative divorce which can radically reduce the legal costs and increase cooperation enabling the family to get use of their resources efficiently". Honestly, I just see this as a financial resolution, I feel this "logical" outcome is a good one and people need to try and work at whatever they can in their marriage to lesson the anxiety and stress, which can be extremely beneficial not only for themselves but for their children and any loved ones around them, as well. However, I think that any time a couple stays together for financial reasons, and does not try to work on the root of why they want to divorce in the first place, will eventually get divorced; its just a matter of time. Nothing today is easy and the recession makes everything just that much harder but if it is keeping you from divorcing try and make the best of what you have....













Top image from flickr
Bottom image also from flickr

Is the increase in technology having an affect on marriages?...

Marriage does not have one specific definition, not everyone may view marriage the same but many people can agree that for a marriage to work both spouses need to trust, respect and love one another. Having grown up in an era of rapidly growing technology I have asked myself, is all this technology making it harder to simply trust your spouse? Or do we feel that we need to spy and check our spouses every move. This seems to be the case nowadays. In an article in the New York Times, it is stated that technology such as blackberry's, computers, and tracking devices are transforming divorce in the 21st century. In almost every divorce case nowadays there is some form of electronic evidence. Imagine being happily married and changes in you wife or husband begin to occur that lead you to believe that your wife/husband is having an affair, so you easily check their email, place a spy ware on their computer and find out that your wife or husband has been having an affair for 11 months. These types of situations are more common than imagined.

Another part of technology that is leading to many divorces is not just being able to spy on your spouse but the unlimited access married couples have to have an affair. In another article in the New York Times, it discusses dating services such as Ashley Madison designed specifically for married people who just want to "have a fling". According to the article, the founder of Ashley Madison claims that "by lowering search costs for affairs, he enables people in unhappy marriages to stay married". Is that the case? or are websites such as these enabling divorce.

Having been with my fiance for 9 years now, I hope that this new wave of technology does not affect our marriage in any way. Can we over come this technological era where spying on each other is as easy as checking each others computer and an era where people encourage and make it easy for married couples to have flings? Lets hope we can!!!



(Image from flickr)